i've broken my "faithfullness" to my barber. i let somebody else cut my hair. tsk, tsk. my other barber even made unsolicited comments about how cutting my hair would be such a waste and how easy it is for him to mutate it into the f4 boybander look. well, if he meant nice with that, he was a bit lost. the main reason i wanted to get rid of all this lengthy hair was to eradicate my appearance's association/referral to f4! there were already n times that some weird stranger remarked about me being an f4 look-alike. mind your own business, people!

anyways, a few scissor strokes passed i looked seventeen again... take my word for it. that's another factor why i keep my hair quite long. i look like a preppy highschooler with the clean cut do! at least, i don't look twenty. not so much people can say that.

my arms are so sore and my eyes are red with weariness. i spent half the day yesterday doing this new layout. if i may say so myself, it was worth my trouble. (brag, brag)

the meteor garden craze of my niece is at its peak. she's decided to study chinese. that was quite ridiculous because she has nothing to use that tongue-skill for. the only time she'd be better off with that is when she utilizes that when she jumps into a haggling spree in binondo... i dunno. when i laughed at her about this, she countered me by pointing out my nihongo acquisition. of course, i use my japanese! i am an aniime addict, ain't i?

we had a power outtage yesterday night around eight in the evening. you could just imagine the horror that my insane nieces had because the f4 concert was slated to air right about that time as well. they were whinning endlessly! lo and behold, come a little past nine, the electricity surged back. so there we were watching the concert (yes, i watched it too... thank you very much) until midnight. funny thing. the very moment that the concert's end credits were shown, power was cut off again. can it be that pasig city's brown-out gave way to the hyped f4 concert? that's freaky. envision the meralco power guys singing to my baby, baby... my baby, baby. happy-happy joy-joy!

is it so bad to feel a little envious of a friend? it isn't the greatest feeling but i guess i'm having it. he's finally having a love life while i'm "parked for an indefinite time" since the last time i checked. i'm severely missing the take-care-when-you-go-home-this-late's, the i'll-call-you-my-angel-and-i-don't-care-if-that-sounds-damn-sappy's and the i'll-call-you-up-because-there's-nothing-in-this-world-that-i'd-rather-be-doing's. i find myself stupidly reminiscing the secret looks that tell a entire novel, the small significant gesture of flicking off a fallen dried leaf over my head... i miss the love that never did need words to validate its existence. damn mushy me.

i'm an acquired taste. i just hope that there are people out there who are willing to take the time to let me "grow on them".

whew! i just changed my blog's layout. i'll just write my whatevers tomorrow. i didn't know it could be this friggin' tiring.

i'm officially sick. my head feels like it's being mashed and cudgeled to smithereens. but i guess i'm still good because i'm writing this blog entry.

our house is a ghost structure today. the kids have all gone to school. some of the oldies here are off to work... the others that remain are having their siesta.

i have the house to myself. this situation is one of the rare times that i get to have a sense of serenity in this house---not that i hate their company.

i live in an exaggeratedly extended family. it's like having a darn family reunion everyday. in a usual time, there are about three families that live here: my aunt's family, my other aunt and her husband's family, my sister's family and then there's me and my dad. it's really a riot here. i've grown so used to it that i can't review or study appropriately when it's dead quiet in here. i grow comfy seeing my nieces running about our bungalow cum botanical garden of a house. i wanna grow old in this house.

what can i say? i got a little fed up with the squatting of those tests on my site. good riddance!

i'm so under the weather today. it's a bit sunny but i feel like i'm delirious from the imaginary frost. whenever i move, i think i'm gonna barf.

i've discovered this very wonderful song from d' sound. this one is very romantic---the kind that i've jaded myself away from. there's still hope for me. after all, i do love this song.

do i need a reason
d' sound

today when i saw you
i knew it was just like the first time
When you met my eyes i came close
and i felt like the first time
to hold back my fear
and feel you so near
i’ve never been this far before
to hold back my fear
and feel you so near
i’m scared of falling into deep this time

do i need a reason to tell you why
i’m singing you this song
do i need a reason to show you that
i know where i belong
whenever i am weary i lean on
this feeling that i have
i am so much stronger now
thankful, yes i am

today i’ll renounce them,
the doubts and the fears i’ve been nursing
i’ll fly like a moth to the flame
and i’ll feel like the first time
to hold back my fear
and let you come near
i’ve never been this far before
to hold back my fear
and let you come near
i’m ‘fraid of losing and still i go

it's all about surrendering yourself, letting it all take into place. it's something i swore off for some time now. i promised myself not to venture into that familiar selfless nook again. yet, i know i'm a stubborn kid. i'll still abandon everything all over again... that's just me.

it took so long for me to finally sleep last night. i didn't know that chugging three tall glasses of iced tea can do that to me! i spent the night and the wee hours of the morning rolling and twisting in bed. if you didn't know better, you'd think i was doing a nasty with my pillows---all five of them!

i have to stop looking at the big stash of munchies that we have at home if i am to control this bulge predicament. you see, we have this mammoth container of food sitting high and mighty beside our fridge. it's filled with all sorts of guilt-inducing goodies---a box of dewberry, packs of tortillos, heaps and heaps of instant noodles, rice porridge mixes, hotcake stuff, choclolate wafer sticks and a whole lot more. it's a palpable sin. what can i ever do to it?

i'm getting some fat. i've developed this nasty habit of munching everytime i get bored. this is one bad thing i've developed for the past months now. just today, after lunch, i ate two snack-sized packs of tortillos (my all-time favorite snack, if i may add), four tasty portions of kutsinta and eight roasted pieces of fish balls.

i gotta start on my netting again, lose those damn lipids. i can attribute the fat fiesta situation to the fact that whenever my friends come over, in lieu of sports, we engage in a very senile game of cards. it's actually a marathon that last for twelve hours at most, with snack-gobbling sessions in between matches. maybe that invited the fat cells in.

i wanna grab the order of the phoenix book but i have yet to finish the fourth one. i think i re-started reading that book five times already then i just stop in the middle because of some things that i have to do. my, oh my! the world-changing dilemmas that i have!

i just read a thread that shouted "what age did you lose your virginity?". i'm liberal-minded but it is still an epiphany (pardon the sacrilege) for me. why do people have this bloated concern about virginity anyway? why put a deadline on when you oughtta rip it off of your person?

i am a twenty-year-old virgin. sometimes, people think i'm pulling off an innocent, saint-wannabe shtick right smack at their faces upon stating this fact. maybe it's because of the way i freely talk about sex that they kinda assume that i've had it... i don't really know. maybe it helped that when other six-year-olds learned about thumbellina, peter pan and pinocchio, my mom educated me about the anatomical differences of a man and a woman via a rented betamax tape. isn't my mom the coolest? i just love her!

there are a lot of people out there who are still virgins at my age. all of you know, people can be nasty. some make you feel like a loser when you confess having a "clean slate" when it comes to that. what's their so-called edge over you? they get laid a lot, do random tests on the the latest contraceptives, excitedly facilitate a demo of kama sutra's forbidden positions, compare notes... and then? do they consider fornication as one of their callings in life---a social duty, even?

i remember that there was sometime in my very recent youth (about two years back) that i looked at older people with the nagging thought, "this person has had sex already". it was like that thought-drive for a while... funny, now that i reminisce about it.

lesson i want to impart? if you're still a virgin like me and all the people around you are humping like crazy, screw their philosophies about you being a loser. after all, you're not the one conforming to other people's definition of "normal".

look at the recent whatchamacallit quiz. it's quite fucking depressing. will i really live with that? yeah, yeah. i know it's just a crappy test but i guess it's just me. whenever i talk on the phone, text with people and these stuff, i don't have the mettle to say farewell---the same is true with the relationships (pluralized? oh, i included friendships in this category too!) i kamikaze into. i find it really hard, knowing it's me who ended whatever that's there. maybe i have a withdrawal disease or something as pathetic as that...

i remembered a few lines from a musical. i edited this a bit to suit me...

everytime we say goodbye, you say you die a little
everytime we say goodbye, i ask myself "why just a little?"
everytime we say goodbye... everytime you say goodbye

i got so used to being said goodbye to. that can't be any good.

awesome day! i had an encounter with a "cute one". darn, i love those chinky eyes. that's my thing---slitty eyes. it just warms up the ancient chinese blood in me. the quite unusual since my ex didn't have no squinted eyes but beady ones.

it's really amusing how people can be so dumb. i meet a lot of people who snicker at the sight of my school uniform. you see, my school clothes consist of a long-sleeved polo, crumple-repelling slacks and a somewhat irregularly-cut tie. i know it's... uhmm... unique to see that in the university belt area but can they be that pathetic enough to react stupidly to it? was it the first time they ever saw a person actually sporting those clothes? damn these people!

the friend who stood me up was supposedly afraid to phone me because i might lash out at him for making me wait for nothing. well, he's a bit right about that. i guess he really knows me. his excuse? he was bedridden and he didn't have the morsel of energy to let me know that he won't show up. is that reason enough? maybe my judgement is a little fuzzed up because of anger but that wasn't valid enough for me.

it's a cold tuesday morning. the good thing about this is i don't have classes. i can curl up in bed all day! i'm putting on my comfy socks and pulling out my lengthy blanket. i'll go get myself some frothe or some hot cocoa a little later. i'm deciding what i'll have for late breakfast... i know! chocolate porridge! yum, yum!

home at last. i came home from school but i feel like i've just finished a gruelling triathlon! my butt really hurts, my thighs ache and my feet are sore!

my butt is no longer accustomed (do butts really get accustomed?) to sitting out almost two hours of travel. my thighs seemed to bitch (thighs bitch?) about the same damn thing. this morning i ran up six floors of stairs because the wretched elevator was taking forever and i thought i was late . then i reached the pinnacle of the building, on the verge of an erratic asthma attack and all, just to find out that classes won't start until fifteen minutes! yipee.

my friend stood me up. we were supposed to grab lunch together. no texts, no calls... and to think we were just in the same friggin' campus. what day is it today? is it piss off markie day? damn.

my nieces were so thrilled by the fact that they can already watch their meteor garden eight times a week! the two of them were even coaxing me to buy them all things jerry and vic. geezers, i wouldn't be caught dead buying those stuff, thank you. now, they're considering putting up a minuscule business---they've firmly decided to sell f4 or meteor garden name labels to their classmates! oh boy.

it's father's day today. i never did pay attention to this. maybe it's accountable to the fact that "father" isn't that of a great and endearing word for me. he's always been stoic since i was young... emotionless. i believed he took pleasure in finding my faults and slamming them in my face. i've lived with it throughout the years, though.

i'm trying not to end up like him.

i just erased my ex's number on my phone. at least i freed some useless bytes!

i forgot to post because i got so engrossed playing with the gameboy advance. it's quite addicting to the point that i missed one of six feet under's episodes! i must get a life!

my eyes welled up because of an anime, vandread. i'm such a weirdo. make me stand fifty telenovelas and i won't cry as much as i would watching a drama-themed anime. and again, need i stress it---i must get a life!

today was one big blah. nothing great.

i tried to start writing another one of my short stories (which aren't really that short) but i didn't have the passion to finish it. i've lost the drive. i'm in an artist's dry spell. wow, i actually called myself an artist! hooray!

basically, i just spent the entirety (i love that word) of the hot and sticky afternoon, listening to lara fabian's broken vow over and over and over again. she's a new find for me. heck! that song is such a downer. but i just love feeling that mopey feeling... it releases my inner sadist.

very tiring day. i just came home from one of my friend's place. i had such a great time! though, i didn't quite take happily his mom's quip about me being like a dao ming si stand-in because of the wild hair. oh well, she gave me almost a kilo or two of gargantuan onions that they had stocked inside their house... that will do. i sacked all of those bulbs into my jansport and dragged all of the baggage back to our house.

i was up until 2:30 am today. my insomia seems to have kicked in again. i was busying myself, texting away at random, bothering the people who were foolish enough to give me their number. alas! someone replied! unfortunately, he was doing those little intimate flirty talks with the love of his life. what a tragedy for me! i wouldn't bother the lovebirds.

then i remembered my ex. it's already been eons since we've talked. what if i sent something to the number i've longed shunned---something i considered to be non-existent? i'm a bit melodramatic. blame it on the lack of sleep.

anyways, so i did what i somewhat itched to do. a couple of minutes walked by... then it was almost an hour when my phone beeped. it was one of the best one-liners i've ever read (sarcasm alert)! it affectionately said: "and you are who?". more than my non-appreciation for that archaic sentence construction, i was hurt. what the fuck was that? was my numbered erased? to hell with that. i just turned off my phone with a heavy heart. i guess the shunning was mutual.

i have a few minutes to go before midnight.

a lot of people seem to be labeling meteor garden viewers like me as jologs. well, i don't give a hoot whatever they call me. it's just very annoying that to up and superior-ize themselves, they have to go aboard the people-bashing bandwagon. they are no less moronic than those people who wave support for meteor garden because of the sole fucking reason that it is the "in" thing nowadays. watch it because everybody watches it? that's stupid!

i'm finally back in business! whew! i realized that i can't live that long with my thoughts locked inside my head.

just the other night, i think i finally dreamt of my somebody. you know, the person you're supposed to friggin' spend the rest of your life with. yes, if by any wave of improbable and freaky chance, you accidentally got into perusing this blog of mine---if you are my somebody and at the moment, you are reading this, please do acknowledge your existence. i know i've waited long enough for you and maybe, just maybe, you've spent that awful amount of time looking for me too. this goes out to the cosmos. i can't seem to remember your face but i know you were there. this is crazy. no, i'm crazy.

but, seriously, have you ever had one of those dreams? the dream wherein you feel something that isn't sleazy and erotic but it is undeniably intimate? but the following morning you just wake up, not remembering the face but the feeling seems to last like an eternal hangover from chugging two bottles of vodka (not that i've ever been wasted with vodka). that sucks. but i know i'll know you when i do meet you. i just hope you'll know too.

i wanna believe that somebody out there is destined for me.

i'll try to buy a new keyboard tomorrow---for my sake and the preservation of my sanity. this will be my post. short and simple.

my keyboard is going bonkers! all the a's and the s's in this blog entry were copy-pasted from a word document that i have. would you believe that it took me six minutes, at least, to finish this entire entry? this is so friggin' mad!

it's really weird that i found out that i'm most eligible to be san cai, that i'm a good clone of neo and that i'm not going to hell! that's what the tests that i took told me! so please do check out the tests that are in this site.

i hope people would try to leave messages on my zonkboard. it's the blue thingy on the right-hand side of my blog... blue doesn't do well with orange, does it?

pity me. visit me often.

this blog of mine is really bland. i wish i could spiff it up a little. i guess i need to have a crash course on html. i've found a few nice templates but i still want to do something that is mine alone...

help me, anyone?

geezers! i just woke up!

it's a rainy monday morning once again. good thing I've no classes till wednesday... uhmm... i dunno if the proximity of that is such a "good thing", on second thought. my head still aches from my friends' barraging my place to do some luxurious rounds of card games. whoopee! i learned a new card game---tong-its. as I understand, it's one of the commoner games (how haughty of me!) played in every nook and cranny of the philippine archipelago. is it on the verge of being announced as the national card game? don't answer that. i'm just pathetic.

i'm chatting away with my friends from school who are now interns, thanks to their perseverance and will---both of which i don't have right now. how sad is that, i ask you. so, my dear sister will have to wait a little bit of more time before i start raking in money from the business districts of manila! hmm...or i could also end up as what i really want to be---an english highschool teacher at my alma mater in pasig. a bit farfetched eh? i know.

i have to have my hair cut today. i would really mind looking like trash on the first day of school. also, there are really cute freshmen out there! wait for me!