one of my friends phoned yesterday. i was informed that our adviser from our senior year in higschool called forth a reunion of some sort. geezers, imagine the shock i had!

what immediately came to me was the excitement of seeing my previous classmates, then the curiosity of how things were going for them in that short span of separation. oh my, it's just been almost four years but i feel like i haven't seen them for eons. i wonder how they are now. i wonder how much college life and the flashes of adulthood changed them. i wonder if my crushes back then would still have the charms to make me all shaking and tense. i wonder if i'd see my past flame.

suddenly, i stopped the questions that were hogging my mind like a great deluge. how about me? am i who i was? what changed? nothing? what would they see when they look at me?

i faced a mirror. what's the difference? i grew a little chubbier and right now, i have an acne attack. such a wrong timing. if i did attend that thing, what would i wear? i just got my new shoes robbed out of me. i haven't really added that much to my pile of clothes. almost all the clothes i suit myself with are basically the same ones i had back then. i then had the urge to upgrade my phone... i wanted something new, something that can be classified as change. with a unfomfortable jolt, i just realized the importance of superficiality---one thing i pushed to the sidelines after having donned my graduation toga.

i wished i already had my internship at a known company in the ortigas center or in libis. i had the urge to make them feel that i'm successful in my dealings... that i'm following the path that i started in highschool. but what's happened to me? i bummed around. i'm not in control of my life. i don't want them looking down on me.

heck, it's like highschool all over again. i've reverted into this insecure, esteem-conscious brat from before. it can't really reason out why i'm feeling this. i can't be my lawyer on this one.

this is what i'm feeling. that's the only justification i know.

i've just had the epiphany that i'm not a kid anymore. you know the expression "she grew before my very eyes"? that's the thing with my niece. i saw her earlier donning this very teenage-higschool-girl dress. i could very much remember when she was an infant and now I'm screening some of her incoming phone calls. you see, she's just eleven but a good number of male classmates have been phoning her. geezers! she isn't even in highschool!

well, she's a popular girl at school. always in girl scout activities, always the leader in everything, always gets a number of gifts froms schoolmates she doesn't know. i dunno but that spells p-o-p-u-l-a-r in my book.

i'm damn proud of my niece. she is everything that i wasn't. i was never the popular kid and my shining moments only happened during the english week. i stood fucking proud whenever i snagged the numero uno in the spelling bees that i've joined, i had my head up high when my essays got picked... mind you, i wasn't a geek.... oh well, just a little and i'm not ashamed at all. though i was mostly associated with the "library kids", i didn't have the problem of adapting to the other student types. i did fine.

this ends my reunion with my flimsy volume of readers and my beloved blog place. (snicker, grin, beam innocently)

i've fornlorn this blog of mine. i'm looking for a new layout. i'll try to post more.