when sugar mates with hunger

"... sick and things were coming out from both ends!"
--- dawn, buffy the vampire slayer

last night, i felt like i was dying. i skipped lunch back at school then when i headed home, i just opted to satiate my hunger with two slices of egg pie from the friendly neighborhood panaderia sa may kanto. i should have remembered that eating sweets to hose down my tummy cravings didn't have a good record on my health history.

a few hours after, i kept on spewing out vomit and other unpleasant substances from my mouth and i was having a crazy toilet problem. yeah, that quote above nailed it alright. things did come out from both ends.

need i expound on this?

life... or something to that effect

"she hated the love she had been given because it had asked for nothing in return, which was absurd, unreal, against the law of nature...
it was a love that for years had tried to hide from her the difficulties and the corruption that existed in the world, ignoring the fact that one day she would have to find this out, and would then be defenseless against them."
--- paulo coelho, veronika decides to die

i woke up at 3 am for no apparent reason. i wasn't restless, i wasn't troubled about anything. it's a knee-jerk reaction whenever i grope for my phone everytime i wander away from sleep. i was surprised to see an unread text i received just a few hours back.

it was my friend. he already texted me. he answered my questions. four months of them together. he's finally told me the truth.

it was a few telegram-like phrases jumbled together but it kept me awake for hours, made me pensive about how things are turning up to be.

i knew the melody of this song. i wrote the lyrics to it.

why do you fall for people who are wrong for you? why do you love amidst a losing battle? why do you still go on, neverminding earned scars and gaping wounds? why do you still fight for something that will never be yours?

i know how much he loved him. i listened to his stories about him. i saw every smile that spreads across his face when he says his name. i felt the happiness, i felt the hurt.

he was his bestfriend. they talked about life and the dreams they had written as wishes in the palm of their hands. they shared a lot of crazy and testing times where they had each other's back. they were two different people whenever they were together... they felt real and life was palpable... till someone else came along.

in the snap of a finger, he had someone else he preferred to share his being with. he found someone else that he could actually love---someone that was not him.

these endeavors always have expiration dates sentenced to them. each having a definite end before it even starts. the world heeds no sob and it does not halt for any broken soul left behind the tracks. this will be the time when you know for a fact that the only option will be to move on... and live.