unholy weaknesses and hypocritical indignation?



i was clocking in time on the phone with a friend when we touched on what one should do and not do on holy week. i'm not a very religious guy---i don't go to mass every sunday, i've only gone to confession around four or five times (uncertainty at maximum) in my whole life and i'm not too psyched about how the clergy runs the religion (one touchy subject that might as well be open to debate). in fact, the only thing that might make my religiosity profile a little confusing is the better than average grades i got on religion subject back in highschool. other than that, every thought i have about the topic in question is purely founded on personal belief more than faith. yes, this may or may not serve as a disclaimer, ladies and gentlemen and everyone in between.

this friend told me about knowing someone affectionately posting on a mailing list about his search for a partner he could have sexual relations with (look up the word "fuck buddy" for better comprehension, kids) during holy week. needless to say, he got a barrage of reactions from people in that said community. as liberal and incidentally prudent as i am, i just laughed that off and made a small talk remark about someone not being too mindful of what date it is in the calendar. i don't give too much of a damn, really. i'm no puritan. i don't point to other people's filthy clothes when mine is equally smudged. it's his thing and if he does or doesn't go to hell for it's his damn call, right? yeah, i thought so.

if he did aim for a boost in the popularity department, he did good. the guy got numerous replies condemning that somewhat casual inquiry of his. do i label those people self-righteous? maybe but then again, there's no arguing with faith. i don't mean it to be derogatory (i'm sorry if it does) but i guess they'd fall under faithfully-righteous in my book.

those people aren't the ones who caught my fancy. someone retorted and cast a symmetrical judgment on the ones who castigated itchy guy. he somehow used the very endearing word "hypocrisy" and went on telling them that reverence need not be accorded only on holy week but also in our daily lives. talk about pot calling the kettle black!

seriously, hearing that made me cringe. being subtle about it, i'd say that he spewed out one vomitful of crap. it's in the same league of that holiday quote taking good will a notch higher by instructing people that charity is not something you should do exclusively on christmas but everyday. if someone's gave you bread to quell your hunger, do you tell him that he should think of doing it 24/7? if people are a bit touchy this time of the year about what and how activities they conduct are, do we discredit that and wag in their faces that they could do better? if people who maintain a less than holy normalcy choose to be more pensive than usual in a specific week in a calendar, do you take it against them?

our world is full of shit as it is. let's not muddle it up further by being taking the guise of someone who knows better than everyone... of course, some may inevitably write me off as self-contradictory with that end statement.

fasting = fast in eating

i'm in that cycle again. i'm gobbling up food stuff faster than i can say "overeaters anonymous". just yesterday i downed two slices of cake, a cup of carbonara, a quarter block of gelatin, two pouches of chocolate wafer, one cup of iced coffee and a tall glass of iced tea. did i say that the content of the menu i enumerated was just for snack time?

the other day we invaded a fastfood where i ate one fat burger, one and a half servings of spaghetti, a quarter piece of chicken, two large cups of carbonated drinks and one large plate of garden-fresh salad. i ordered the last item because i knew that eating such was the healthy way to go, not being too keen on the fact that it was the finale of a meal fit for someone who was on the execution queue.

just earlier i fought the urge to eat cheesy pasta because i already took in slices of graham cake. i fought and i lost. the pasta, the graham cake made my stomach their trysting place.

i need to stop this. my pants are filling up and not in a good way. oh, did someone say that sounded sexy?

not so idle hands

as i have much time to spare and a free access to the net during ungodly hours of the morning, i got hooked on playing one massive multi-player role-playing game (no, this isn't my code for cybersex) called "dark throne". it's quite primitive and i know given a few more days, it will lose appeal to me but what the heck... please do click this [darkthrone_link] as doing so will give me 250 gold and 1 citizen for my army. if you join the game, i'd adore you more. i assure you that clicking on that link will bring no harm to you or your computer. thank you.

now my eyes are on playing the yahoo games. if you see me online, please do play with me. i implore you.

spending a scholarly summer



it makes me feel relieved that i'm at the tail end of the semester already but just the other day came the cold rain to water down my water-frolicking parade: i have to take summer classes!

just when i thought i could lay waste my time either absorbing the radiation from our television or soaking up the sun's rays thru a strategically shaded area of a beach... just when thought i could contribute to society by expressing my opinion detesting the horrendous pairing-up of jeniffer garner and ben affleck... just when i thought i could get a social life because i could finally lock myself up in my room and get re-acquainted with my riotous pals anne rice, paulo coelho, sydney sheldon and highschool friend christopher pike... damn.

oh well, it's here so i might as well siphon something good out of summer classes. maybe it would be nice because i won't be subjected to the scorching heat of summer afternoons. maybe it would be an ample excuse for me to drag my body out of the house. maybe i would lose some weight since i won't have the convenient ignorance of how much one cup of rice is. maybe i would have a stab at those summer flings... and maybe i'm stretching optimism a little too much.

barren

for the life of me, i can't seem to grasp the fact that some parents can be totally oblivious to their children. as people we should make it an effort to differentiate ourselves from animals who sire offsprings because they were primitively wired to do so. it is cold and dry---one person's humanity was never meant to be synonymous to ice.

i guess i'm more than lucky to be born into a family of people who know what genuine affection is and how selfless it can dare to be. the whole concept of being a family to me was not an obligation they owed to anyone or to any moral code.

although i was not in good terms with my father when i was younger, things are not as distant as they used to be. after he retired from working overseas, living with him has made me realize that even though his ways were tyranically rough and easily misunderstood, he had an exact picture of what he wanted to instill in me. at the time, it was just so hard for me to have seen it as it was because it was wrapped in thick violence that made my eyes glisten with fear. he has always been at arm's length to me in moments when i wanted him to be so and even in instances that i wished he isn't.

i lack the understanding of how people can live with neglecting someone who is of their own flesh and blood. do they even allow themselves to be called "mom" or "dad" or have they grown numb to it and ingrained into their heads that those two words are just generic tags used for plain identification? these words are not who they are. these coupled up letters are who they should aspire to be.

can you breathe without difficulty knowing that you are skipping your son's graduation? can you rest easy having a stranger fill in your responsibilities for you? can you grab a bite unmindful if your son is having lunch only because of some other people shelling up the money for him? can you attend to your daily tasks without asking yourself if he knows he is loved?

what can one possibly do to deserve such?

this brings about a certain powerlessness in me. i don't know how i can make things more bearable, if not better. what will you do if someone important to you is in a situation like this?

as for me, i'm posting this entry.