summer down the road


ok. i can pretend that i didn't go m.i.a. on the blogging world or i could come clean with it. if you know me well enough, you'd be sure that i'd fill you in on my life even if you try to shut my trap with a dagger to my neck.

yes, as i oracled a few blog posts ago, the summer i had was indeed a little busy with school stuff. i'd elaborate but i'll graciously deny you of the gift of boredom for now. because i haven't written any of the stuff loitering in my head, you can expect this post to be a little messier than usual. so, game on!

movie guide philosphy on bestfriends
in a friendship, how does one get demoted from the bestfriend status?

i do realize that the line i just typed is screaming sarah jessica parker but it is a valid question and it needs answering... or at least the effort of trying to answer it.

being the bestfriend of someone is something that i never plan. it just happens like the hands of fate worked its wonders and tied up the ends of your shoe laces together. after some rough tugging and pulling, you then realize that you two have more in common than a silly playground dilemma. you may admit it or you may try to be cool and indifferent, but you'll know it with your gut that a name can now fall under the category of "bestfriend" in your filing cabinet.

having that status to someone is big. it gives you a certain power over the other person and as peter parker's dead relative said, with it comes great responsibility. hmm... just what are the exact responsibilities heaved on your shoulder? does quantity weigh heavier than quality on this one?

i once had a bestfriend. we were so honest with everything that it almost felt that we shared the same skin. when we used to talk on the phone and my asthma kicks in, he'd tell me not to pull away the phone every time i coughed my lungs out because there was no need to be polite or civil around each other. it was weird but we both were, so that normalizes everything up, i guess. we were each other's shock absorber that we'd dump our issues all over ourselves and then would feel a little better afterwards.

suddenly, we were both busy with our separate lives. no more marathons of listening to self-pity. no more interesting corny jokes thrown impromptu. no more silly tutorials of how to cook instant noodles. it just hit me that i was the only one calling him bestfriend and when he used that word, he wasn't referring to me no more. no more.

it does hurt. it feels like a part of you wilts and dies inside but it's something that you have no other option but to accept. there was no contract signed saying that stripping away the bestfriend status is consensual.

like the movie guide says in fine print, things are subject to change without prior notice.

pep squad for the losing warrior
what's with these koreanovelas on primetime block these days? practically all of them have two boys who vie for one girl or two women in a bitch race for a guy. a normal mushy tv geek who needs to get a life (or any other person for that matter) will root for the couple who share mutual love but i found myself going against the grain on this one.

i make pompom cheers for the unrequited, the ones who get denied of the love they gun for. maybe i need to get out more often. maybe this behavior can be used as a basis for thesis because it can be a resource for a lot of psychological shit.

maybe i'm rallying for their happiness because no one else does.

the field with the wind vane and the corn cob
they say it comes with age. supposedly, when you get older, the pressure to snag that special someone becomes more difficult to ignore. that isn't true for me.

i'm not ancient but when i was about a few years younger, i had all these fantasies (they're not so sexual, mind you) i wanted to realize. i had all these ideas and philosophies of how i'd find my kindred soul and how i'd go about relationships. in my mind, everything had to be grand and magical and larger than life. it had to come in the perfect time and fireworks had to be a major element in the scenario i playwrighted in my head.

now, i'm just sitting around like a lazy wind vane, not minding too much if the wind blew in right this moment or if it was still keen on taking its time.

i don't know if i turned cynical or jaded but i know somewhere along the way, i got less conscious being the lone corn cob unharvested in a wide field. at this point, i've learned in the hardest of ways that not all dreams are deemed to come true and that they are just meant to remain as like that---dreams.

hey, i'm not giving up on something. if it comes right after i post this, i'm still very much open to it. i'll grab it while it's hot, thank you very much.