:: raced against time... but i lost ::

time for me



markie. piscean. spaghetti addict. anime freak. gibberish writer. obsessive compulsive. music-driven. melancholic poet. unrequited romantic. professional bum. yakult baby. crash test dummy. ice_wolf.

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Saturday, August 20, 2005


unstable kind of happy

"there are two tragedies of life. one is to lose your heart's desire and the other one, to gain it."
--- george bernard shaw

the past days i've been depressed. if ever there was a time i wore rose-colored spectacles, the recent times certainly mutated them into ray bans. now, it's almost magical how my temperament has changed because of a few moments that made me feel this soft feeling inside. it's very much like how an ice cream sundae melts in the innards.

i'm as giddy as a race horse now. my nerves get weak whenever i think of what transpired this early evening. i guess it's also good to live in the moment and not fuss unnecessarily over what the future holds. yeah?

hmm... is it really a tragedy? maybe it is. in the good three-fourths of my life, it's all been about the inability. i pray that in this episode, i get to taste the different brand of "devastation".

give me my hear's desire. give me tragedy.

bottled monologues - series 11

you,

i wonder if you notice. notice that each time we talk, i memorize every inch of your face. notice every imperfection, every curve, every wrinkle, every part of you that gives a form to the person who drugs me with a sensation i can't get enough of.

i wonder if you sense. sense that whenever i look into your eyes, i get drowned in the illusion that only you and i make the world go 'round. sense that i'm not just after who you are but also the things that you are not. sense that despite the nicotine aroma, the scent of your body permeates into me.

i wonder if you feel. feel that whenever my fingers touch your skin, it takes every amount of courage i have to do so. feel that every time i'm beside you i get the impulse of shouting to every one that you look incredulously gorgerous wearing those make-pretend reading glasses.

i wonder if you hear. hear the effect your patented laugh has on me. hear the nervousness brewing inside me every time you say something to me.

i wonder if you know. know that you've made two days in a week worth looking forward to.

i wonder about a lot of things. i wonder how you turned out to be wonderful to me... nah, i'm sure why.

me

comments-conscious scribbler

"the right to speak up doesn't come with the assurance that you'll be listened to."
--- anonymous

ok. so there's one strong factor why i don't post whenever i feel like it. aside from the real facts that my schedule forbids me, that my writing gets dried up at times, that i'm feeling either too happy or too gloomy to write, that i'm too impoverished for using up my internet account...

i also don't post when i see that no one bothered to comment.

i dunno. to me it's just like talking and yakking your throat out then everyone just ignores you. yeah, i'm an attention-whore and this attention-whore is on his knees begging for feedback, kneeling down for reactions.

did i really say "whore"? lap dance, anyone?

time stamped at 1:08:00 AM



Tuesday, August 16, 2005

bottled monologues - series 10

you,

do you remember 11 years ago when we first met? we were so young then that we saw the world ever so simply. everything seemed like lego blocks at our disposal. you know well why we connected. while everyone else preoccupied themselves with sweating it out on afternoons after class, we held our heads up. we haughtily said that we were too mature for children's games.

why i had this affinity with you---much like how tartar attaches itself to a tooth---is not an enigma to you. we were nerdy grammar nazis who were sticking out like sore thumbs. in that juvenile and warped world, we lived ok. true, we were very much ok.

life happened. when we both were faced with a forked road, we skidded off separately. i don't see an intersection coming soon.

why am i writing this? i guess it's just a time in my life when i'm scavenging for missing pieces. and yes, when i think of lost loves, it's difficult to forget you.

you're happy. it brought a smile to me and a tear in my heart knowing that you're still that geek who's prissy with sentence constructions and the proper usage of nouns. amidst the 100 things that keep us apart, i still see that one thing that urged me to write an entire blog entry about you.

i know these mementoes belong to me. just as much as i know that you rightfully belong to someone else.

me



seashells and the parallel horizon

stars hanging from celestial strings, that's what they are.

for others, some dreams are so easy to grab hold of. there are times when i go as far as assert to the world that it owes me. it has always been a violent struggle.

though at times i look away, it's hard not to be caught by, become bedazzled with what my eyes see. i have my bouts of superficiality and i sometimes indulge in them.

i can only watch from afar. my fingers have been charred before and i, consumed in a swoop of flames. my heart is not burning yet it is singed.

broken seashells have no place under the wide grin of the sun. darkness comes whenever i reach for what i cannot have.

when shooting stars mark the horizon, i raise may hands over my head, my palms generously stretched open. life may become kinder.

time stamped at 1:38:00 AM



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