i had a weird dream this afternoon...

dear you,

hey. i had a dream about you. i know---that's kinda pathetic. knowing you, you'd probably would pick on me forever for it, you'd start fluffing up your ego and rave on incessantly about how i'm still so into you.

you wanna know how it went? i'll tell you just the same.

i was at our living room, chilling out, watching tv, when my sister called for me. looking quite confused, she reported to me that someone was in front of the house. i saw you. you had just came from your hongkong trip, complete with your two hefty luggages. i knew i was supposed to hate you for shutting me out of your life but the instant you smiled at me and mouthed my name, i quickly forgave you... without you even asking for it. maybe it's a cliche but realizing you stood right in front of me was all that i needed.

i paused for a second or two to grasp your existence. i let you in immediately, after i came to my proper mind. you were beginning your lines of "i'm sorry's" and "happened because's" when i shushed you and assured you that i'm ok. you looked weary and tired so i offered you to sleep for a while.

yes, the dream had you and i on a bed but i had nothing sexual in mind, put that in your head, silly. as we lay on the bed, we just talked with our eyes closed. it wasn't until you softly squeezed my hand, that i came to terms that both our hands were clasped together, filling the other's spaces between the fingers.

this dream is so fucked up. it was like being drawn back to the past when there was still the "us". it was like a hodgepodge of overlapping time zones. it was this epiphany that ended the dream. i woke up.

now, don't you get any far-fetched ideas about this. let's not get our undies up in a wad. maybe i had this dream because i wanted to validate that what we had was not trash, that it really meant something to you. it would be pathetic for me to reiterate that i'm over you but it is the stark naked truth.

ok. i would be terribly lying if i told you that i didn't have even a granule of love for you. that piece of love coupled with the friendship you told me that we had, did suffice. it was more than enough to remind me that we ended good. unfortunately, because of the present situation, i cannot be blamed for thinking otherwise.

i dunno.

here,
just me

more than anything, i think this is my soliloquy.