no to road rage

sometimes, out of nowhere, i ask myself what my purpose in this life is. it's like a visage of a hot pink car driving across your line of sight---you know that it is there, of unquestionable existence, yet you still get a jolt out of a roaring coporeal proof.

i would often console myself and seemingly grope for the answer: i live to better the life of my family who has done nothing but love me. it's a stab of guilt in the spine but i wonder if there's something more to my raison d'etre than that.

am i consciously putting myself in the middle of the crossroad, offering myself up to be roadkill? i think iv'e got to find that proverbial map for my proverbial dilemma.

one thing, though. i'm not good with directions. good luck to me.

silverscreen self-satisfaction

i have always been somebody who some people would call "friend-dependent". it's not that i can't do anything without my friends... i just prefer not to do anything without them. that's a definition.

it's funny but people who know me are amused that i am so knowledgeable about all the current and upcoming movies yet when asked, "have you seen that one?" i sheepishly smile and quip "no". i'm the movie buff who doesn't actually do the work to be labeled such. silly and true.

i dunno. i guess i didn't envision myself to be that loner who makes salty popcorn and over iced softdrink his movie mates. i didn't aspire to be the usual suspect for "fast love in the moviehouse". i had all these wacky and paranoid ideas in my thought bubbles yet i knew for a fact that i wanted to have a stab at it.

so, i did. i forked the medium rare steak. i wasn't alone when i heeded the call of the rolling filmstrips and watched them movies. i was with me.

of course, i can't be indifferent to the popcorn and the tall cup of beverage, too.