happy depressing holidays and me

what is with me and depressing christmas songs?

i guess i got tired being like everyone else who gets giddy hearing sleigh bells chiming merrily. maybe i already am too comfortable with that thing called sadness. oh, i just hate melodrama, you see obviously.

i was watching gilmore girls a couple of days ago. one of the characters, dean, blurted out a question: why didn't she love me?

i felt a warmth in my insides and it scared me a bit. i seem to be becoming more and more cozy with that emotion that makes most people lose sleep. that same feeling elicits long sighs from me and it's one the best sensations i am privy to. have i turned up fearless or have i evolved into a grinning little sadist?

this doesn't seem to be boxed with heart-strumming music. i like my coffee black in a lot of other things as well. i must've overprepared myself all this time, chanting to myself that solitude is something i have to get used to.

do i regret this? i can't answer in black and white. sometimes, it gives me joy being numb. ain't that an irony.

that ole' time of the year

i appreciate it so much that the classes i got this semester are all in the afternoon, just going on till the early evening. my eyes bright up seeing the towering office buildings and humble abodes i drive past during my ride home, as they showcase flickering lights and every conceivable interpretation of the belen.

passing by greenhills, i see flocks and hordes and throngs of people shuffling about with a number of shopping bags on hand, each looking tired yet smiling nonetheless. the tiangge scene is as alive as ever, haggling murmurs becoming the background accompaniment of a living christmas tableau.

the local tricycle, ferrying me along the intestine of our subdivision, allows me to breathe in the december air. i've caught myself off guard a few times, if that is entirely possible, closing my eyes just to absorb atmosphere of the all too incipient arrival of the holidays.

now, if only i could discretely dictate what i want for christmas... nifty!

bottled monologues - series 6

you,

i'm sorry if i appear too forward or if i look like i'm hitting on you. i just want to get to know you more because i feel that we could do good together. though i see that some people may be the obstacles between you and me, i'm quite hopeful.

i dunno. i guess i'm too old to fret over consequences and risks... lucky you. of course, that last comment of mine can be subject to debate.

me